


Statements and Sincerity

by antiv3nomarts



Category: Stellar Firma (Podcast), The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, Elias as Hartro, Gen, Jon as Trexel, Martin as David 7, One Shot, The Beholding as IMOGEN, also this is my first fic so please be nice, or don't i guess, spoilers for end of s1 of stellar firma, why are there no stellar firma aus you cowards
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 05:35:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26846761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antiv3nomarts/pseuds/antiv3nomarts
Summary: After weeks of doing terrible research for statements, Martin 7 and his boss Jonathan Sims face a trial with Elias Bouchard as the prosecutor.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood & Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	Statements and Sincerity

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Edilmayhampsen here on AO3 (drumkonwords on Tumblr) for betaing this fic! You've been so incredibly helpful during the writing process, I couldn't have done it without you!

“Wee woo, wee woo,” Martin 7 droned on. After hours and hours of that alarm, he had expected the pain in his head to dull, or at least to get used to it. Still, there he sat, his head still pounding, the still painfully obnoxious noise still in the foreground. “BEHOLD, can you make it stop? Please?” 

The computer buzzed and said, "Pleading detected! Security alerted." The alarm continued, and Martin sighed, still making noises with it.

Then Martin heard the swoosh of the door opening, and looked into the doorway to see Jon, of course. Martin stopped wee-woo-ing. “Martin, um, hello” Jon said.

“ _Jon_.” Martin spat.

“Uh, Martin. I may have overreacted yesterday-” 

“Did you submit the statement?”

“No.”

“ _Why?_ ” Martin cried.

“Because you betrayed me! That was perfectly reasonable!” Jon defended.

“I am going to DIE because of you, Jon! That is not reasonable!” 

“You were the one tampering with the statements! I...let’s save it for the justice room.”

“Okay, fine. I see my trial’s still on.” Martin paused and crossed his arms. “Um,” he remembered, “how exactly do I get up?”

“How do you get up? You just, you know, push yourself off the chair and onto your legs.” Martin pushed off the chair he was on, slime stringing off it, and stood on his feet. His legs immediately buckled and he fell straight back to the floor.

“How am I supposed to stand on my legs? They’re so thin! How do you stand on your legs?” A look of confusion, and then understanding spawned on Jon’s face.

“Oh, I know what I was forgetting. So, as your boss, I was supposed to be giving you chances to work the muscles in your legs. Of course, as I was only here for 20 minutes a day, I did not have any chances to do so. I suppose you’ll just have to learn quickly.”

“At least help me get back up please.” Martin asked.

“Fine, but after that I’m not touching you again. You’re all slippery.” Martin managed to get back onto his feet and get out the doorway.

Outside the room was foreign to him. It was like a room, but longer. And narrower. And just generally worse. Oh, and there were so many doors.

"What are these? It looks different than any place I've seen," he asked.

"Well," Jon started, "this is called a hallway. It's like...a room. But much longer. And there are a lot of them. They connect rooms to other rooms. Each of these doors has a room behind it. Of course, you'll never need to know that because you're only going to be in one for the rest of your life. Well, two, if you count the justice room."

"So they're like vents that carry people?"

"Well, they don't _carry_ people, but close enough."

They continued to head down the hallway, Martin barely making his way through. Wobble, step, wobble, step, wobble, step, and finally a stop. They had stopped by a hole in the wall, about the size of a large door. Martin looked down the hole and saw another hallway. “Why is there another hallway? I thought this hallway led to all the rooms?”

“Well, no,” Jon explained, “there are many hallways that lead to many rooms, and sometimes the hallways connect. I don’t have time to explain this to you Martin. Lets keep going, if you’re going to take this long in every hallway you’re going to be even later than you are now.”

“Oh, I’M late, is that it?” Martin asked. Jon just huffed at him and crossed his arms.

So on they went, Martin still wobbling his way down, and Jon walking beside him, shaking his head. This went on for quite a few minutes until the pair finally reached the justice room. The door swished open, showing a room that was remarkably similar to the one other room Martin had seen. In said justice room, there was another figure. Elias.

“Ah, Jon! Martin! It’s time for your trial. I never would have thought it would happen now, so soon after my teambuilding. Did it do nothing?”

Jon tried to appeal to Elias, “Well, I think it helped a little bit-”

Elias cut him off. “You waste my time and energy, you waste everything I do for you Jon. But, it just so happens that I will be the one prosecuting in your trial today, so prepare to feel my wrath.”

“What- wrath? I think that’s a bit unwarranted, don’t you Martin?” 

“Not after you stole the statement! And refused to submit it!”

“Why would you tell him that?”

“Keep it for the trial.” Elias said, as he powered up the BEHOLD terminal. It listed the types of trials, which ranged from trial by fire to show trial to The Harrowing, whatever that is. Before Elias could get a word in, Jon selected a fair trial.

“Yes, okay. I’m already doing a great job of defending you, Martin.”

“Wait, you’re defending me? Can I just defend myself?”

“I’m afraid that’s not an option Martin, a clone couldn’t just defend itself.” Jon responded. Martin grumbled but stayed otherwise quiet.

“Okay boys, settle down,” Elias said. BEHOLD beeped and like that, the trial had begun. First up was the prosecution, which of course meant Elias was going first. Elias had worked with the pair for a few weeks now, and knew what Jon and Martin were like, which meant he knew how bad they were at their job.

“We all know why we’re here,” Elias started. “A statement deadline has been missed. And of course, there’s Jon. Jon, who has helped his clone as little as possible with researching statements, who sneaks around the archives alone."

"That all sounds about right," grumbled Martin.

"But this is a trial for Jon’s clone, Martin 7. The prosecution will show that Martin 7 and his failings have caused this statement deadline to be missed.”

“What, me? It’s Jon that stole the brief!”

“Well, I- I- Elias, surely you agree with-”

“Jon, shush. You’re just making things worse for yourself. Now quiet down, while I explain what Martin here has done.”

“I’m just trying to help.”

Elias continued. “Anyways, quite a large number of security alerts have come from Jon’s office, which I can only assume has something to do with Martin 7. The submission system in Jon’s office was found to be tampered with. Also, a set of recordings from Martin 7 was found on BEHOLD, which as we know, is not something clones should be allowed to do.”

“An audio blog?” Jon exclaimed.

“It seems you don’t know everything going on, do you, Jon?” said Elias.

“But...Martin, an audio blog?”

“No.” Martin responded.

“This is a trial and they’ve just accused you of having an audio blog. Do we have any evidence?”

Elias pulled up a recording on BEHOLD. “Yes, we do,” he said, and the recording started playing.

“Hello, and welcome to,” the voice of Martin sang, “Martin’s...Poetry Corner! I’m Martin 7 with...poetry! The, um number one and, um, the, the only audio blog from me, Martin 7, where I read you poetry!” The recording stops.

“Martin?” Jon questioned.

“That wasn’t me.”

“Martin, that was clearly you! And it’s entirely inappropriate for a clone like you to have an audio blog! This does nothing for our case!” Martin shook his head.

“Can the court show that Martin was nodding his head upon hearing the recording was his voice?”

“No! No, I wasn’t nodding-” but before Martin could protest, BEHOLD took it down as a nod.

“Next, the submission system in Jon’s office. Martin, do you know what happened to those?”

“Um, no. I have no clue. I’ve never seen the submission system before.”

BEHOLD chimed in, “Guilty plea recorded.”

“What? Tha- oh...” Martin trailed off.

Jon looked baffled. “Martin, did you just plead guilty? This is even worse than I expected! Just keep quiet and I will defend you.”

“Yeah, because you’ve done such a good job at it already.” Martin mumbled.

“Sass detected! Security alerted,” BEHOLD chimed in.

“At least I'm helping you at all!”

“It doesn’t really matter what either of you say, this is all for show anyways.” Elias said.

“I thought we selected the fair trial?” Jon asked. At this point, Martin was beginning to wish they had chosen something like trial by fire. At least it would be quicker and easier than dealing with Jon any longer.

“Your choice doesn’t really matter, the outcome is going to be the same. Anyways, moving on. Martin, can you tell us about those security alerts?”

“Um,” Martin started, “well, Jon uses his scary voice sometimes, and that can cause alerts.”

“You've caused some alerts as well! Like...how about the tea?”

“Well that’s true, but, still, I doubt the amount of security alerts has gone up since I’ve been with Jon.”

Elias pulled up a log on BEHOLD. “Well, we have the records. So, it looks like the week before you, Martin 7, Jon got about 92 security alerts. And the week after you joined him, he got 347.”

Martin did a double take, and examined the screen closer. “Yes, I suppose that’s right. That’s quite a sharp increase.”

BEHOLD chimed in once again, “Guilty plea recorded.”

“Not again Martin! Will you just shush! I’m going to lose another clone,” Jon snapped. Martin’s face contorted, but relaxed again as he withdrew and sighed.

“I rest my case. It is for these reasons that the prosecution recommends the clone Martin 7 be immediately recycled.” Elias smirked. BEHOLD paused for a moment, then beeped. 

“Defence initiated.”

“Ah, it’s my turn! Martin, I’m going to get you out of this.” Jon said. Martin just shook his head.

“We have all gathered here to find the truth. But what is truth? Such an interesting question-”

“You’re wasting time, Jon. Just get to the point.” Elias interjected.

"But...I had a whole monologue planned-"

“Monologue detected! Security alerted,” BEHOLD said.

"Just get on with it!"

“O-okay. Anyways, I realize Martin LOOKS guilty. You can see it in his eyes. And Martin SOUNDS guilty. In fact, he pleaded guilty twice this whole trial. And I know he has NOTHING for the argument that he is innocent, no proof or anything. So for these reasons, Martin 7 the clone should be recycled and...wait a minute. Oh, Elias, you really had me swayed for a minute there. But if you look at him just now, for a moment, he looks- nope, that moment is gone. But nothing is permanent, right? So the real question is, BEHOLD, does any of this matter?”

“Existential crisis detected! Security alerted.”

“Jon, will you just shut up?” Elias snapped.

“Let me just finish my statement. In conclusion, Martin 7 is innocent of this crime, but you should still keep an eye on him, since he still betrayed me and all. The defence rests its case.”

A beep came from the BEHOLD terminal, and like that the trial was almost over.

“So,” Elias said, “I would like to say that obviously, Jon is not the one on trial here.”

“Uh-huh, of course,” Jon agreed.

“But let’s find out more about Jon here. The man, the myth, the trainwreck.”

“Now, I wouldn’t say trainwreck.”

“Who is he? What do his peers think of him? I have a collection of voice clips on this very subject to play, if the court approves.”

BEHOLD beeped, and said, “Surprise evidence accepted! Audio initiating.” A file opened on the terminal, and a voice Martin had never heard before started speaking.

“Jon? Oh, that guy’s terrible. He stalked me, catalogued where my home was, and when I asked him to stop, he acted like I was insane.”

The voice changed. “Well, I haven’t had a lot of experiences with him outside of a professional sense, but he is a terrible archivist. I’ve seen him write directly on and staple together archival materials. That completely ruins them. An archivist like him should know this.”

The next voice, strange enough, was Martin’s. “Oh, um, Jon? He’s technically my boss, but...I do all the work for him. I do all the research, I give all the good ideas, and he still doesn’t appreciate my work. He comes late into work every day, and doesn’t care at all about my well being.” 

Jon gasped upon hearing the criticism. “Martin, when did this happen? How could you?”

“It’s all true, Jon.”

The audio files were still playing, and the last voice was Jon himself. “What do I think of myself? I think I’m a perfectly fine person. I’m quite good at my job, if I do say so myself. Cataloguing statements and all. And generally, I’d say I’m a good person.” The files clicked closed.

“So, based on what we heard here, can we trust Jon?” Elias asked. “From what we’ve seen here, often what Jon says can be the opposite of true. So, Jon’s words here are most likely not true. Jon has said Martin 7 is innocent, but he clearly cannot be trusted, so Martin must be guilty. I rest my case.”

BEHOLD responded, “Assessment approved!”

“Oh come on, I thought we selected a fair trial!” Jon said. “Can I make one last appeal?”

BEHOLD beeped and said, “Final plea approved!”

“Thank you. Um, all I have to say is without Martin 7 here I would be a lesser archivist. Even though he does nearly nothing to help me with statements. And even though I could do the same job without him. And that he is not needed. But he is still there to make me laugh, like he has done once. And to provide unnecessary input, which he does constantly. And to make me tea. The defence rests.”

A pause. “Plea accepted,” BEHOLD responded, “guilty.”

“ _Dammit!_ I thought I did a really good job there!”

“You did a terrible job, Jon.” Martin said.

“It’s not my fault you’re guilty!” Jon shouted. “Fine, fine. I didn’t want it to come to this, but,” Jon said, pulling out a small book and flipping through it, “I have one more way out of this mess you have created, Martin. The employee handbook. Martin 7 is property of The Stellar Institute, and as he has been granted to me, he is my property. Correct?”

Elias looked confused and shocked. “What is going on? Jon, what are you doing?”

“I am exerting justice. So, if I, Jonathan Sims, own Martin 7, then under the trading statutes of the Employee Handbook, ‘In cases of property confiscation and destruction, an archivist has the right to invoke swapsies.’ Meaning, I may swap another item of my own property of equal or greater value than Martin here to be taken as an alternative to the original.”

“This is ridiculous Jon. Let’s just get on with the recycling already.”

“So, in return for Martin’s life, I will trade...the cot in my personal office.” Jon’s tone was wavering.

“Swapsies requested! Evaluating replacement.”

“Come on, come on, come on,” muttered Jon.

Another pause, as the machine scanned Jon’s words. And then, it responded. “Swapsies successful! Martin 7 swapsied for the cot in Jonathan Sims’ personal office.”

“It worked! Jon, thank you!” Martin exclaimed.

“I did it! I told you I could defend you, Martin.” Jon said, beaming.

“You didn- uh, sure Jon.”

Another beep from BEHOLD. “The cot in Jonathan Sims’ personal office has been extracted. Trial concluded.”

“Such a waste of time. Jon, I’ll be keeping an eye on you,” Elias threatened.

“See you next week.” Jon retorted. Martin took a sigh of relief. As much as he despised Jon, he technically had saved his life. He could live with that.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! You can find me and my art on Instagram @antiv3nomarts, or on here for (hopefully) more content.
> 
> Thanks again to Edilmayhampsen on AO3 (drumkonwords on Tumblr) for helping me out! I cannot thank you enough!!!


End file.
